You Must Do the Thing You Cannot Do: Why Facing Fear Builds Real Resilience

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do” by Eleanor Roosevelt is a quote I’ve returned to many times over the years. Usually not when things are going well, but in moments where I’ve felt uncertain, vulnerable, or hesitant to act. Moments where part of me knows what needs to be done, and another part would prefer to avoid it.

In my somatic therapy and integrative counselling practice, offering in-person sessions across the Northern Rivers, Palm Beach, and the Gold Coast, as well as online worldwide, I see this as a common theme that touches many people.

Why We Avoid the Very Things That Grow Us

Most people don’t struggle because they don’t know what to do. They struggle because the action required brings up discomfort:

  • fear of being judged
  • fear of rejection
  • fear of getting it wrong
  • fear of hurting someone
  • fear of being exposed or seen

So instead, we often find that we delay, rationalise, or stay with what feels familiar. However, it is often these exact moments, where something feels difficult or uncomfortable, that hold the greatest potential for growth.

Growth Rarely Feels Comfortable in the Moment

If you reflect on the past week, it is often easier to recall what felt difficult rather than what went well, not because life is only difficult, but because challenge tends to leave a stronger imprint. And often, it is only after moving through those experiences that you can look back and recognise:

  • what you learned
  • how you responded
  • what shifted internally

Growth tends to reveal itself in hindsight.

A Simple Process for Working with Fear

Over time, I’ve found a simple approach that helps bring awareness and movement to fear.

  1. Identify the Fear

Bring clarity to what is actually there.

For example:

  • “If I say this, I might be judged”
  • “I might be rejected or excluded”
  • “I might get it wrong”

Naming the fear helps make it more tangible.

  1. Question the Belief

Fear often presents itself as fact, but it is usually a belief.

For example:

“If I speak honestly, I will be rejected.”

That may be possible—but it is not certain.

From another perspective, being able to express yourself openly in a relationship can also be a sign of:

  • trust
  • safety
  • emotional maturity
  • healthy communication

So, the question becomes less about whether fear exists, and more about whether it is true or helpful to follow it.

  1. Take a Small, Incremental Action Steps

Action does not need to be large or dramatic. Often it is a series of small, incremental steps taken consistently

And often, it can look like a simple, honest moment.

For example:

“Can I share something with you? It’s about how I felt in our last conversation…”

From there, you might express:

  • how something landed for you
  • what you needed at the time
  • what you would prefer moving forward

In many cases, these conversations don’t lead to rejection, but to:

  • greater understanding
  • repair
  • deeper connection

And even when they don’t go perfectly, they build something equally important – self-trust.

Power vs Force

A framework that has influenced how I understand these moments is the distinction between power and force, as described by David R. Hawkins.

In simple terms:

  • Force is driven by fear, control, urgency, or the need to avoid discomfort
  • Power comes from alignment, truth, and a quieter internal knowing

When you are faced with something that feels difficult, both can be present.

The part that says, “I can’t do this,” is often rooted in protection. It is trying to keep you safe.

But beneath that, there is often a more stable awareness that already knows what feels true.

Acting from Power, Not Force

Acting from power does not mean fear disappears.

It means:

  • you recognise the fear
  • you don’t fight it
  • but you also don’t let it decide for you

You move forward because the action aligns with something deeper than immediate comfort. In this way, doing the thing you feel you cannot do is not about forcing yourself. It is about trusting that quieter knowing, and taking a step anyway.

A Somatic Perspective

From a somatic therapy perspective, fear is not just a thought, it is something experienced in the body.

  • Tightness in the chest.
  • A knot in the stomach.
  • A sense of contraction or holding.

So, this work is not about pushing through or overriding those sensations. It is about:

  • noticing what is happening in the body
  • allowing space for it
  • moving at a pace that feels manageable

A “slower is faster” approach.

Because when the body feels supported, it becomes easier to take action without becoming overwhelmed.

Final Thoughts

Doing the thing you feel you cannot do does not require certainty. It doesn’t require the fear to disappear. It simply requires a willingness to:

  • notice what is there
  • question the story around it
  • and take a step, however small

Over time, those steps build something that cannot be created through avoidance: confidence, resilience, and trust in yourself.

Somatic Therapy

My work in somatic therapy, trauma resolution, and integrative counselling supports individuals and couples to:

  • feel more embodied
  • gently unwind survival patterns
  • restore balance and emotional safety

This approach is not about forcing change or pushing through discomfort. It is about learning to listen to your body patiently, respectfully, and with curiosity. Under the right conditions, the body has an innate capacity to return to balance, and sometimes it just needs the right support.

To arrange an initial consultation to explore how I can best support you.

Book here: [introductory call] or [schedule a session].